Joe Biden Used F Word

It's been awhile, not because non-news isn't everywhere, but because actual news has abounded, as well.  We are now back to regularly scheduled programming...

So, in a shocker of all shockers, VP Biden said the F word.

As the Guardian points out, "Joe Biden is famous for having a mouth that out-runs his brain from time to time."

Guess what? NO ONE CARES.  No one gives a freaking damn what he said right before the President signed a huge health care bill into law.  Because IT'S NOT EFFING NEWS.

It's not interesting, it's not informative- it's not even new.  Hell, the Republicans can't even make this into a partisan issue, given Dick Cheney's "eff yourself" comment on the Senate floor.

(Many thanks to li'l sis Andrea & Daddy-O whose collective comment was: "You know what?! Big effing deal!")

Car Rental Companies Charging More Fees

In this fine piece of reporting, we discover that car rental companies are automatically charging customers for roadside assistance and insurance packages they never knew they were agreeing to.

To quote an already over-used phrase: No shit, Sherlock.

So, let's see what we've learned here:
1) People don't want to pay for shit they don't need;
2) Car companies need money so they are trying to screw us all; and
3) People need to read what they are signing.

So, basically, this is NOT EFFING NEWS because a) it's not new, and b) it's not noteworthy, and c) if you are too dumb to read your contract, you shouldn't be operating a lethal weapon, like, say A CAR.

Small Talk Leads to Unhappiness

In this supposed medical/health news, CNN has yet another Story About Something Everyone Already Knows. Too much small talk and not enough "deep conversation" apparently leads to unhappiness.

This is a direct quote: "The bottom line is that maintaining friendships can help with emotional well-being."

Well, holy effing hell, ladies and gents! We have a scientific breakthrough.

Oh, wait.  The article states that only 79 participants were studied and the result "meshes well with established ideas that happiness and social life are intertwined."  So we know we already know this.  Everyone knows we already know this. And yet a story was published on a news site about it anyway.  Because, really, why say something once when you can say it over and over and over?

The moral of this NOT EFFING NEWS story?

"Friends buffer negative events and provide support...Don’t be too busy to have a meaningful conversation."

Arizona Closing Rest Stops

It seems the state of Arizona is closing rest stops and residents don't like it.

This, according to the New York Times, is "US News."  It is, indeed, something taking place in the US.  I'm not sure it's not more appropriate for the local news in, um, ARIZONA.  You know, where the people care about how many places there are to pee between Phoenix and, ah...what's another city in Arizona?

To say this isn't national news should go without saying, but since it must be said, here we go:

Hey, NY Times! This is NOT EFFING NEWS.  Sure as hell isn't to people who don't live in, or drive through, Arizona.  And maybe not even to them.

President Ate Traditional Southern Meal

The latest story from the Whatever The President Does It Must Be Newsworthy Politics Section on CNN.com is about President Obama eating a traditional Southern meal and joking not to "tell Michelle" since he's supposed to be trying to lower his cholesterol. 

So, what did we learn today, kids?  The president ate some food and drank some tea.  Some of the food and tea wasn't strictly the best for him, we infer.

Well, gosh golly jeez and dang!  If that isn't just the most fascinating little ditty about that darn prez! It's almost as if he's- stay with me now- AN ACTUAL PERSON.

I shit you not, people, this is a quite from this, ah, "article": "In the president's defense, the first lady didn't explicitly say anything about sweet tea."

For god's sake, can't the man eat mac n' cheese without it becoming political news?!  Oh that's right, IT'S NOT EFFING NEWS.